Fighting Not To Fold, But I Will Not Break

Last night.....

...spawned one of my life's most traumatic, and difficult, indirect experiences to date! My living heart beat (Queen/1st Lady) was involved. There's no need for details of the experience, but I thank the Creator for answered prayer...and protection. Essentially, I can breathe easy knowing she's safe, but...there is another problem. Emotions...we actually need them, but I'd love to learn how to pause them at will. Why you ask? Well...I'll fill you in.

I was blamed...as if I had full control. I heard words spoken of me which made me feel less than standard; subhuman, if you will. Before I started writing this, my mind flashed into several scenarios. Each scenario had a negative ending. The occurrence involving my lady was put on me, and it was devastating to even hear what happened when she told me. I don't know what getting stabbed in the chest feels like, but some people's words are poorly chosen. Those choice words sent a pain through me that could invite suicidal thought, when allied with the constant mental inquiry of what I could have done to prevent what happened.

Escaping death is something that should never be taken lightly, and presents a duo of both awe as a reaction, and divine intervention! A couple items were lost on my end (through the night), but losing her...would've brought pain that I'd never recover from. I became the emotional scapegoat, and though I know better, and even my Queen told me to negate what was spoken, a specific soul agreed with some harsh words spoken of me. You'd think I never cared, if you heard how I supposedly am over the phone.

I am tearfully writing my thoughts down, but I had to release what I was holding within. Men...push yourself to be better men than what most people could ever assume, and love your woman as she needs to be loved. Treasure her, adore her, cater to her, and be everything she needs you to be. My Queen knows what the deal is, so I will continue to do what I must. It is extremely hard for good men in this era; in the eyes of many people, no man can do no right.

Today isn't a good day for me. I hope you all have a day that is infinitely greater than mine!